Writing an obituary for your son or daughter

No parent should have to write this. If you are, please be gentle with yourself. An obituary doesn't have to say everything. It only has to help people know who your child was and how to say goodbye.

You decide what to share

You are not required to give a cause of death. Many families simply write "passed away" or "passed away unexpectedly." That choice is yours alone.

Focus on who they were

• What lit them up — music, a sport, animals, a game, their friends
• How they made other people feel
• Nicknames, inside jokes, the way they laughed
• Things they accomplished, at any age

Listing the family

Start with parents, then siblings, grandparents, and — for an adult child — a spouse or partner and children. Close friends can be named too, especially for a young person.

Ask for help

It's okay to ask a relative, friend or funeral director to write the first draft from your notes, and for you to edit it.